{Angsty journal because reasons! :'D Feel free to comment y'all.}
Well, that was over before it even began. Tony couldn't say he was unsurprised, he'd have to sit back, and pick which flaw it was exactly, that had brought his happiness undone.
The sound was soft, Tony could barely hear it anyway, he wasn't concentrating on the gentle tick as he turned the wheel. His eyes were so directly focused on the device before him, yet so busy being elsewhere. It almost summarized his workings in a few pale words for the past few days. Scurrying fingers snatched up the wrong sized wrench, letting it fall back to the bench with an un-heard clatter, his trigger finger itched and twitched, longing to close around cold metal that fit it right. He'd never finish anything at this rate, but it seemed that had become and all to common thread in his life over the past few weeks, weeks that soon became months, months that rolled on years. And from there he was unable to count any amount or stretch of time to accurately cover his unsteadily shaken ground. his husk of a body slumped languorously. He could feel hollow breaths rolling in and out, respiring thoughtlessly. After a stretch of his shallow frame the genius reached a hand guiltlessly toward the cold glass of a bottle. He hadn't bothered with a glass, because in all honesty he couldn't find one that felt right in his hand. The bottle though, felt molded to his palm, almost finger printed particularly for him. And that was an important thing, or more like something he'd decided to make important to keep his mind from straying. It had plenty to stray too, and he'd rather it just didn't for now. After taking a generous swig he cast it aside, out of sight, out of mind. But as Tony Stark knew well, that wasn't always true.
This was starting to get excessive, if it hadn't already been. He was gone, he'd get over it, people came and went from his life as though he was a revolving door. It never hit him harder though, on the way out then it did now. Perhaps because Tony had never invested more of his life into a single person before, never let anyone in so far that they could touch his heart. No longer able to breath he concentrated solely on his hands. He'd tried to hard to keep some... symmetry. To make sure...he had never seen the genius at his absolute worst. It hadn't worked, somehow, he'd gotten through. Through the walls that had taken so long to erect in the first place, all for nought. Was it all a lie now? All that had been said between them, everything Tony had given up and promised and taken back. It meant nothing? He knew he certainly wasn't perfect, but he'd really tried. This time, he'd really tried. He'd never cared more for one person like that, then himself. It was an entirely awkward and prolonged experience, he thought he'd be happy. Though everything that had pushed him around along the way and poked and prodded would be worth it. Yet here he was, and none of it was worth a dime. All he had was the knowledge that he'd clearly failed himself and been failed yet again. It all meant nothing. He'd never do it again. Never. And a numbness coursed through him,He cleared his throat, and straightened his aching spine. When someone meant something to you, and I mean really meant something. You didn't get past it over night. The steady rhythmic thump in his chest, made regular by his own device reminded him he was there. Still there, gravitated in place. And...isn't that something? Save. Face. Thats what he did, he made a career out of it. All he needed to do was make a public appearance here and there, go to a few parties, maybe throw one or two.
He'd never admit this though, the defeated set to his heavy shoulders, mind dwelling on things that would do him no good. Grin and bare it, if you can't, at least pretend , he'd never thought much of that advice, but why the hell not? It had come right from 'The Original Genius', Tony visibly scoffed. He'd like to see what he'd say now. The only advice his father had ever given him that seemed to be worth anything came toward the end, had it been the night before they'd died? Maybe, Don't let anyone close, then you're untouchable, and Tony had never known if the old man was just drunk or he'd meant every word. Either way, he'd lived like that for a time. It had all changed, what felt like forever ago, and now he was back to square one. "New game plan, Stark." He muttered to himself aloud, changing the circuit board on his project. "Back to the drawing board." He was fine. He was okay, he was fine.
He was fine, but he found he couldn't definitely say with nail biting assurance. He'd moved, a quarter inch lefterly and he decided he might as well stand, if his legs would hold him, he wasn't entirely sure how long he'd been there. So placing the wiring down, fingers slightly red and sore, scolded from touching the wires, bare skin. He soon found he could indeed stand, and reached for his phone, the most expedient way to check the time without asking aloud. 12:36, he blinked, and it was day time. The sun had set and risen all in one sitting. He rubbed his weary eyes, grinning sheepishly at the project that presently occupied his mind, among other things.
He was never completely alone though, was he? JARVIS alerted him, to someone visiting, apparently he'd let them in. Let you in. Tony ran a hand through his hair, blowing out a breath because, honestly? He didn't feel like seeing another human being. But plastering something of a subtle-smug turn up to each corner of his lips, he marched out of his beloved sanctuary and into the large expanse of lounge.
"Ah, well you chose the perfect time to visit-" The genius sniffed, hands behind his back, he'd taken to being more careless in the lab, and would rather not show his scorched appendages. "I was just about to open a bottle of Scotch, or some other high alcoholic content beverage, you know its five O'clock somewhere, and since its my happy hour, I figured why the hell not-" He strutted toward the bar, which took up more space then strictly necessary in the room.